"If You Were Here Today"

Yesterday at 5:30 p.m I finally turned in my final undergrad paper, ever! It felt great…like this weird weight came off my shoulders after turning it in (yea, last minute as usual). I still can’t believe tomorrow I finish my internship and that’s it, my 4 years in college will be over. It definitely hasn’t been what I expected; college years weren’t all that great for me. I never fell in love with my career, didn’t love the city I was in, but I learned a lot and made great friends which I know I will be keeping in touch throughout my life. If someone had told me at the age of 15 that I was gonna be living with my boyfriend, been with him since the age of 20, and probably moving to Lima, Peru with him…I would have never believed it! I expected my college years to be crazy, partying and drinking and being “crazy” but truth is…that’s just not me.

Source

After my brother died a lot of things changed for me, the way I see life, the way I treasure my life, my goals, everything. It was very hard for me when it happened, being in a different country, a year after graduating high school without my usual friends around. I had been in Argentina for 7 months when it happened and had a few close friends, one of whom I considered my best friend (one of those people you meet and simply *click* as if you’ve known each other in some past life or something). After my brother died, in November, all these “friends” disappeared. We ended up moving back to Panama in March and throughout those months I felt completely alone and abandoned, this “best friend” was nowhere to be seen claiming that “it was easier to simply be apart and back off because it would be so hard for him when I moved away”. I mean, seriously? Could you be a little more stupid or selfish? I understand people freak out when someone dies, they don’t know what to do or say…honestly all you have to do is be there! A call, hanging out, anything to try to get things back to “normal”! So yea, this little person seriously screwed me up inside…After that I put up VERY big walls around myself.


Mr. P is the only person who has really gotten through these walls since they went up...high school friends are family are already stuck inside. My friends here in Bogotá don’t know that whole big part of me that’s just hidden away – they do not know how I feel about my brother’s death, the fears I carry of being hurt in any possible way, the constant worries about my parents wellbeing, everything! In these past 4 years I have never let any of them see me cry when I’m sad or gave them a call when I was really down. I know this is wrong, I know they would probably be there for me…but it’s just not that easy for me. I don’t want to be seen as weak, ever. So, now that I’m beginning this new stage of my life, I really want to try and pull down those walls…little by little, start trusting people. I know it will be hard, but I just want to give it a try…see what happens.


So, this post began with one thing and turned into something completely different as I started writing…I guess I just needed to let It out (and listening to Paul McCartney’s “If You Were Here Today” helped too). 

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Tuesday: 3 days to go!

Almost didn’t wake up today...I felt so incredibly tired even though I didn't go to bed so late last night. Guess Sunday’s 2.30am bed time still got me. 

Today I finish my paper, I got an email from my director saying that I should write whatever I truly felt and hat my boss shouldn't even read it if I didn't want to but I sort of do want him to read it and see if he realizes how messed up the office dynamics are. 

I can't believe its 4 months since I began working here, I am so incredibly happy its over! It was a crazy experience, triggering a complete emotional roller coaster so I'm glad that’s over and I can focus this upcoming month on being healthy, taking care of myself and trying to figure out my life a little. 

Long night, longer day

Sunday was...unproductive. Lying in bed, taking midday nap, going to play with the dogs and end up eating dinner with friends definitely meant there was a long night ahead. At least I was capable of saying "no" to watch MIB3 (will def. be watching it on wed).

I finished editing the pictures at 8 and then procrastinated my way to 2:30am completing a total of TWO pages (fail!). Clearly today I was extra tired at work and time flew as I tried completing mu essay. Still haven’t sent it...I would love to have some feedback before sending it tomorrow.

On the other hand, I have THREE mores day at the office!!! I think I’ve never been so excited about a day before...but May 31; I can't wait for you to get here!! My cousin Dani got here today, I'm extremely happy about having her, I feel that I really need someone who knows me well right now to be able to talk and get some advice.

Alright, Skype time with the parents! Goodnighty!

Sunday morning

In bed, watching F1, with Marti in bed and fighting with lightroom which refuses to open. Next: breakfast and a nice long walk with the doggies ❤. After that, WORK! Start (and finish) my final paper...ever!

LONG Saturday

It has been the longest saturday in a while for me...Here´s a little summary:


6 a.m : Mr. P wakes up, thus waking me up
6-6:35 a.m : try to sleep a little more, total fail...just roll around in bed telling my bladder to go back to sleep
6:40 - 7:15 a.m : shower, get dressed, eat my Lucky Charms (im a child at heart...forever!)

Got lots of marshmellows! WIN!

7:20 - 7:30 a.m : get my bag and Marti's bag ready, go down to the car and then realize i have to go back up because I left her bag!
7:30 - 7:45 am : get to the Red Cross for Martinas obedience training class
8 - 9 a.m : Martinas class. I was so proud of her for going through the tunnel in class, TWICE! She was extremely scared of it last class and today (after a first struggle) she finally went through!

Tired after her class

9 - 9:45 a.m : drive home, drop off Marti, drive to Andreas house, drop my car off





10 - 2 p.m : drive around Bogotá, realize that Suba is a whole other city inside Bogotá (huge!) and get stuck in traffic a LOT. Took pictures for Andreas company of their best clients.
2 - 3:30 p.m : Get the car, drive home to get Marti, stop at the park for a peepee stop, drive to Mr. P´s mom house
3:30 - 6 p.m : Play with Martina, Matias (Mr. P's german shepherd) and Chela (Mr. P's sisters pit bull mix), have lunch (by this point I was starving!), play some more with the dogs and pack up to go.

Siblings playing

6 - 7:30 p.m : drive to Agrocampo, now this is my pet heaven! I always want to buy EVERYTHING and was proud to completely contain myself, only a bag of treats and Martina's and Mati's food which was what we were supposed to get in the first place.


8 p.m - FINALLY home! Chatted with my momma for a while, laid in bed while I talked to her and it was like if someone beat me with a baseball. I have no idea why I am SO tired today!


It is now 10 pm, watched part of "The Devil Wears Prada" and now hearing FoxSports (Latin America) talking about todays F1 pole and tomorrows' race. Honestly, it pisses me off to hear ALL they talk about the two latin pilots who SUCKED today and not focus on Schumaher and his pole position! (although he was penalized). Yea...Mr. P is a HUGE F1 fan and I used to watch it a lot with my dad when I was younger so I really enjoy watching them (except the 3 am races...I just sleep those through).


Last night I went to watch "El Club del Tropel" at Casa Ensamble with some of my office friends. It was my last Friday working in the company and you can't imagine how great it felt! Can't believe its only FOUR more days until I finish my internship! At last! I finish Thursday, May 31 and am already dreading Fridays hangover :)


Alright, gotta go try to get some editing done today because I need to turn in the pics on Monday and tomorrow I need to focus 100% on my internship report (which of course I am doing literally last minute...4 years of college and NEVER did I start writing a paper until the last day...its an awful habit). Hope you all had a great Saturday!

And as I finish this post...I finish my delicious pizza! (my half is the only cheese half) 

Intro

Well, this is going to be my second attempt at blogging. Tried it for a bit when I finished school but wasn’t really into it, truth is I am now a blog addict and have found several blogs which I just love to read! Hopefully someone out in the blogsphere will enjoy reading mine.

I am currently in my last week of my internship, finally graduating with an undergrad in Anthropology from the Universidad de los Andes in Bogotá, Colombia. I am Colombian but grew up in Panamá and then in Argentina for a year. At the end of that year my 14 year old brother, Cris, died. It was completely unexpected and totally life changing event...everything after that, all my plans and goals, changed (and not really sure of them now).
Right now I have no clue where my life will take me, just about to finish college and have different options for the future but I’m completely uncertain about what to do…hopefully I can share my thoughts a little here and get some comments or advice, but mainly just let it all out and see what happens.

I’m guessing I will have a few recurrent “characters” in my posts so just a little summary.

• Mr. P – my boyfriend, we’ve been together for approximately 3 ½ years and been living together for about a year and a half. He is 28, a lawyer and economist but works in consulting. Has an entrepreneurial spirit (which I greatly admire) and hopefully will soon launch his own company, in the meantime most likely moving to Lima, Peru to work with for multinational company!
• Martina – My “baby”, a mutt someone picked up from the streets when she was just a month old and I took her in “for a while”, which ended up being forever! love her madly and you will definitely be seeing lots of pictures of her here!
• Phillippe and Lola – my other two dogs, they live in Panama with my parents but I miss them like crazy! Phillippe is a Staffordshire Bull Terrier and is 18 years old, he is the best dog I have ever met! Lola is a Dalmatian mix I rescued from the shelter here in Bogotá, she is insanely hyper and LOVES to be petted 24/7 (also has a Chihuahua complex, even though she weighs 50 pounds).
• Lu, Bou, Lucho, Maca, Casas, Maya, Grampa, Eleonora (AKA "El Parche") - bunch of friends, we usually all hangout together, sunday night movie plans are common :) 
• Dani – my cousin who lives in Florida, she gets here next Monday for a month so I’m guessing she’ll be in many of the first posts-
• Tita & Tito – my grandma and grandpa, they are the best grandparents you could ever wish for! Can’t wait to see them soon and tell you all about them.
• Viky and Maria– my best friends from high school, one is in Sweden and one in Boston so its all WhatsApp chats but we have a great time together! HHFB!
• Nando, Jimmy, Juli, Chaves – My college buddies, we’re almost finished with this stage of life so hopefully I’ll be hanging out with them lots before graduation in August.
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