Showing posts with label panama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panama. Show all posts

Monday, July 25, 2016

25 de julio

Lo mejor de mi día: Participar en la concentración y marcha a favor de la Ley 61 y ver a tantas caras conocidas

Lo peor de mi día: Haber perdido la paciencia en una discusión y que mis emociones bajas ganaran.

Agradecida por:
- Mi educación! Por haber tenido una buena educación, que me enseño a pensar por mi misma, a ser curiosa, a ser responsable, respetuosa y por haber tenido una educación laica lo que no significa que no haya sido basada en valores importantes que me hacen quien soy.
- Mi salud
- Mi mamá, el mejor ejemplo de vida. Me me ha enseñado a escuchar, a instruirme y formular mis propias ideas las cuales tengo la responsabilidad y el derecho de defender de manera coherente. Me ha enseñado a tener empatía, a creer en el poder de la gente.








Thursday, November 14, 2013

Jane Goodall is my rockstar

Up until today I thought EVERYONE knew who Jane Goodall was. Apparently, I was wrong seeing as everyone I told I was going to a Jane Goodall talk that night had no idea who she was. I shared this concern to my mom and she reassured me that I was the weird one, and that no…she isn’t up there with The Beatles for everyone. Because yes, today seeing Dr. Goodall felt the same as the day I went to see Paul McCartney in concert. Some people might think I’m insane or even offended by that comment but its the truth…to me, Jane Goodall is a freaking rock star.
I had completely disconnected myself from how much her story amazed me at such a young age and I am pretty damn sure it stayed in my head and became a part of who I am today. My mom clearly remembers the day I got home with a library book extremely excited telling her about how this woman had gone into the jungle to live and learn about chimps. See…the thing about Jane Goodall, to me, wasn’t about what she discovered in her investigations – it was about her. This woman broke the rules, she redefined the way we see animals and the way we practice science. She went at the age of 23, without a college degree, into Africa, to learn about chimps. She was a dreamer, but didn’t stay dreaming…she did it. She freaking lived it! Even more amazing, after achieving her life long dream, she realized that it wasn’t all about HER dream or what she loved doing, but that she could help others and that her story and her life could give HOPE to those around her. In the past decades her organization has focused on the youth, on giving them support and maintaining that hope for humanity alive. I have said many times I have lost my faith in humanity, that’s why I like animals so much better…it’s a very sad thing to say and feel but just turning on the TV or reading a newspaper would confirm that phrase. However, there are moments, there are people I have met, and today was a reminder of those…there are people that aren’t bad. There are some that haven’t given up, that think of solutions and go out there and make the changes they want to see happen.
(I’m still sticking to animals though).
Anywho, this might just be a bunch of jibbery talk from a very excited person…but if you have read this far, just take a couple of minutes and read up on Jane Goodall’s life, her goals, her achievements, that sense of tranquility that she manages to irradiate. Maybe you’ll understand me a little better because I think I just unlocked a piece of the puzzle in the “who am i?” game.

Have a goodnight, I’m going to bed happy and I hope you are too.


Saturday, November 9, 2013

A little midnight ramble...

Six years ago today I went to bed like any other day, not expecting that in less that 24h my world would be moved upside down and broken. I don't remember anything too particular from that day, watched some funny videos with my brother on youtube, went to bed. No red flags, no warning, nop, nothing. Life is simply that, unexpected. No matter how ready you are for things, life will make sure to change your plans somehow,  by little changes or massive ones. 
A year ago I embarked on a very exciting and surprising journey in which I said goodbye to having this one day, this one event, affect me in a completely negative way and simply accept it as part of my path in life. I decided not to allow it define me anymore. A year ago today I was freaking out a little over the 9th of november, I didn't want it to be a big deal. It still affected me, it was still a sad day and I cried when I heard my mom on the phone and thought about you so much. But, I didn't want to let it define me and "ruin" my day. Hey, I was in the middle of the african bush, what I had to do was live it, and appreciate every second of that day. I try to do that every day now...appreciate. Be grateful. For life is too short and too unexpected to be in angst, to feel bummed over silly things, to not be PRESENT. 
Take a moment, stop, and think about your like right this moment: About today, how you felt, what you did, what you said or didn't get to say...are you happy with what you did? with who you are? where you're going? 
I tried to make this a short post but I guess I'm just too good at rambling. Bottom line is, LIFE CHANGES. People change, cities change, time takes it toll every second and we have to be aware of it. Take advantage of time, enjoy the little things and be thankful for every passing day (even for the shitt days), tell those around you that you love them, live without regrets. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Comentario

Hoy utilizo mi blog para comentar el post de un gran amigo mio en su blog Una pequeña ventana a un hermoso pais. Hace unos años tuvo la oportunidad de viajar por Panamá y esta compartiendo con el mundo lo que fue su experiencia. Este autor es uno de mis mejores amigos, nos conocemos hace 15 años y lo considero un hermano. También es la persona que conozco que mas se apasiona por Panamá. Se preocupa por mejorar su país, por las problemáticas socioeconómicas que enfrenta y siempre tiene presente su rol activo en la sociedad para mejorar el país.
Cuando leí este post en especial no pude huir de mis 4 años universitarios de antropología y fue de esos momentos raros en que me digo a mi misma “soy antropóloga”. Puede que la antropología no sea lo que define mi vida profesional pero como lo he explicado anteriormente, es una visión que no se pierde ni olvida, esta siempre presente y en momentos como hoy, cuando leí el blog, se despertó y pidió salir a expresarse.


Llevo dos días en la comarca ngobe bugle y estoy todavía decifrando como es posible que exista un lugar así en el mundo. El lugar y los paisajes son fácilmente los mas bonitos que he visto en mi vida. Montañas inmensas llenas de vegetación virgen cubiertas por una delgada capa de nubes. Desde que estoy aquí ha llovido 80% del tiempo. A pesar de que es un bajareque leve, las personas tienen que caminar largas distancias debajo de esta llovisna.
Ayer llegamos a Ratón, una comunidad que dicta el final del camino desde San Felix. Llegan carros pero fuera imposible llamarle a ese camino una carretera, mas bien es un trecho amplio. Llegamos anochesiendose y bajamos rápidamente a buscar hospedaje en la escuela local. Me sorprendió encontrar que los maestros eran de diferentes partes del país pero ninguna era ngobe. Aceptaron muy gentilmente nuestra propuesta de quedarnos con ellos y inclusive nos invitaron a comer nuestra comida con ellos en su comedor. Conversamos por varias horas sobre la situación de la comarca desde su punto de vista y lo dicho, aunque en tono optimista fue muy desalentador.
Se tomaron el tiempo de explicarnos como eran tratados en la comunidad y como las nuevas gerenaciones están siguiendo los pasos de las anteriores. Lo explicado a través de los profesores lo he podido notar con mis propios ojos. Son una sociedad muy sufrida y el esfuerzo manual al que se enfrentan día a día es uno sin punto de comparación. También son una sociedad de hacer lo suficiente para sobrevivir y de allí nada o muy poco. La mayoría están desinteresados en la escuela porque en muchas ocasiones los padres les inculcan valores en la casa que son diferentes a los de la escuela. Por ejemplo, los maestros nos contaron que inclusive el nombre que usan los niños para describirlos es el equivalente a cucaracha en el idioma ngobe.
Un tema que me sorprendió fue la educación sexual. Es un tabu muy grande en la región y los padres se rehusan a enseñarlo en casa. Entonces cuando las maestras lo van a enseñar en la clase los niños naturalmente lo resienten. Este tipo de ignorancia solo crea problemas a la larga porque aunque simple parezca, aquí, si el enfermero o medico residente ofrece pastillas anticonceptivas o inyecciones los hombres de la comunidad empiezan a pensar que ese señor se quiere llevar a sus mujeres para el y que eso va en contra de su hombría. Lo que termina pasando usualmente es que las familias terminan siendo demasiado grandes para poder mantenerse alimentadas y saludables, entonces tienen 5 o 6 niños mal nutridos en vez de tener uno o dos que pudiesen estar correctamente nutridos y estudiados.
Era noche y estábamos ya en nuestros sacos para dormir cuando escuchamos de lejos el llanto de un niño. Resulta ser que durante nuestra conversación con las maestras nos comentaron que algunas veces se escuchaba los llantos de los niños por falta de comida. En ese momento me reduje a nada solo pensando como era posible esto y sabiendo que ninguna respuesta a estos llantos llegaría. Fue imposible dormir sabiendo que un niño a escasa distancia no podía dormir por tener la barriga vacía. Según me explicaban, esta tierra es muy buena para sembrar y crecer, entonces solo me puedo quedar pensando. ¿Porque no toman provecho de estas oportunidades? ¿Que los limita a quedarse en la extrema pobreza? Esta pregunta me inquieto tanto que le pregunte a los maestros el próximo día antes de ir a la otra comunidad y la respuesta me sorprendió aún mas que la pregunta. Lo que me dijeron fue que iba en contra de su cultura.

Como le dije a el, no estoy en contra de lo que dice simplemente me parece importante cuestionar esas impresiones que nos llegan al encontrarnos con culturas o comunidades distintas a la nuestra.

como las nuevas gerenaciones están siguiendo los pasos de las anteriores.” Porque seguir los pasos de las generaciones anteriores esta mal? Vivimos en un mundo donde el “progreso” es lo mas importante, el cambiar para que todo sea mas rápido y sencillo, pero se nos esta olvidando lo básico, lo que nos hizo lo que somos hoy (humanos!) y se nota! Es decir, mira como tratamos el mundo, estamos destruyendo el medio ambiente y desconectándonos de la realidad y la sociedad (cada vez mas conectados por medios sociales mas no con nuestro vecinos y comunidad directa).

También son una sociedad de hacer lo suficiente para sobrevivir y de allí nada o muy poco. La mayoría están desinteresados en la escuela porque en muchas ocasiones los padres les inculcan valores en la casa que son diferentes a los de la escuela. Por ejemplo, los maestros nos contaron que inclusive el nombre que usan los niños para describirlos es el equivalente a cucaracha en el idioma ngobe.”

Es importante considerar la historia, el pasado de esta sociedad. Los grupos indígenas latinoamericanos muchas veces llegan a ser catalogados de “perezosos” o “vivos”, que viven del estado o constantemente están pidiendo y pidiendo pero no hacen nada. Hay que entender que las comunidades tienen una historia compleja con respecto a nuestra sociedad occidental. A través de los años hemos delimitado su territorio, impuesto estructuras sociopolíticas y educativas en sus sociedades y, no podemos olvidar, evangelizado las poblaciones. Todo esto ha afectado enormemente a las comunidades, como funcionan y la manera de vivir de la gente. Estos cambios que han sido forzados a las sociedades las han modificado totalmente.   
El tema de educación es algo que a mi personalmente me interesa mucho. La población indígena Ngobe-Bugle (que en verdad son dos grupos, los Ngobe y los Bugle y que tienen dos estructuras lingüísticas diferentes) es de las mas pobres del país. Tienen índices muy altos de desnutrición y pobreza, los niños normalmente solo terminan primaria.
Como dicen los profesores con los que habló, lo que se enseña en la casa es distinto a lo que se enseña en la escuela, pues porque no trabajarlo? Es decir, porque tenemos que seguir inculcando un tipo de educación occidental en una sociedad que no es occidental, la cual tiene una base y un estilo de vida MUY distinto al que se tiene en mente cuando se crea el sistema educativo tradicional. Existe algo llamado la “Etnoeducación” que me parece seria muy valioso trabajarlo en este país pues hace mucha falta. Es tomar los conocimientos de las comunidades, sus creencias, aceptarlo como información y incluirlo en el sistema educativo de la región o comunidad. Los padres y los mayores de la comunidad TIENEN conocimiento, puede que quizá nunca fueron a la escuela pero tienen conocimientos y pueden educar en temas que los profesores (que no son de la zona ni de la etnia) no conocen y que puede traer grandes beneficios para los niños. Si el tema les interesa, avísenme y puedo recomendar un par de artículos al respecto. En Colombia el tema se ha tratado y es una política del Ministerio de Educación para las poblaciones afrocolombianas, indígenas y el pueblo Rom. No digo que sea una política que funcione a la perfección pero esta constantemente tratándose y trabajándose en distintas comunidades.  

Claro, esto es muy fácil decirlo pero es complejo ponerlo a funcionar…hay que trabajar con comunidades, con maestros, con el estado, hay que meterle politica, para básicamente cambiar las estructuras que se han implementado históricamente donde el estado define que es lo que debe aprender un niño pero no considera el bagaje cultural y geográfico que tienen las poblaciones.

 La educación sexual…este tipo de ignorancia solo crea problemas a la larga

Aquí debo decir que la palabra “ignorancia” no me gusta, me molesta, pero  muestra claramente la manera de pensar de “nosotros” (los occidentales). Para los que me conocen saben que para mi hablar de sexo no es tabu, pero entiendo que para muchos lo sea. Porque calificar de “ignorancia” esto y no el hecho que la iglesia católica también lo tenga de tabu? Para mi, ellos (iglesia catolica) son peor que ignorantes pues tienen muy claro lo que implica no hablar del tema (cantidades de personas que no usan protección, resultando en un aumento no solo de embarazos no deseados sino de enfermedades como VIH) y aun así deciden hacerlo. El calificar de ignorantes a una población por no compartir los valores o visión acerca un tema muestra lo fácil que juzgamos lo que no conocemos.
Para mi, la educación sexual es algo muy importante pero siento que ni siquiera en mi colegio, el mejor y mas caro de Panamá en su momento, me dieron una educación sexual adecuada. Si, nos hablaron acerca de la menstruación, el embarazo, pero nadie me hablo de SEXO, de que implica, de cómo funciona un condón o una pastilla anticonceptiva, ni de la parte física y emocional del sexo. Entonces, si una educación sexual en verdad no se daba en un ambiente liberal,  y occidental que esperamos que se de en una escuela pública en medio de una comunidad distinta a la occidental? Vale la pena agregar, que también ha sido fuertemente evangelizada y que iglesia cristiana acepta y promueve la educación sexual?
Creo que el autor estará de acuerdo conmigo que le parece igual de ignorante que en nuestra sociedad no se de educación sexual, no esta “pointing the finger” únicamente a el caso que vió pero me parece importante acláralo y poner el tema en la mesa…la educación sexual sigue siendo un tabú en la sociedad, por lo menos en la sociedad panameña. Díganme, cuantos de ustedes lectores les hablaron de sexo en el colegio o sus padres? Les mostraron como se pone un condón y como funciona? Cuantas mujeres pudieron hablarle sin preocupación a sus padres diciéndoles que querían comenzar a tomar anticonceptivos? Son pocos…
Bueno, claramente me fui un poco por la tangente y quizá sea un tema totalmente que deba abordar en otro escrito. Sigo…

“¿Que los limita a quedarse en la extrema pobreza? Esta pregunta me inquieto tanto que le pregunte a los maestros el próximo día antes de ir a la otra comunidad y la respuesta me sorprendió aún mas que la pregunta. Lo que me dijeron fue que iba en contra de su cultura.”

“Va en contra de su cultura”. Seriously teachers? Solo muestra como vemos ‘por encima’ las cosas y no consideramos los cambios sociopolíticos y eventos históricos que han moldeado la sociedad y que han causado los problemas a los cuales nos enfrentamos hoy.Para terminar quisiera aclarar algo, no se si quiza alguien lea esto y piense que estoy escribiendo desde el punto indigenista, como si los grupos indigenas fuesen todos buenos y sufridos. No. Ese es un gran problema que ocurre cuando se habla de este tipo de temas, es como si hubiese dos bandos – los indigenistas y los ‘occidentales’. Yo opino que es importante reconocer los eventos del pasado como formadores del presente, pero también de que cada grupo se responsabilice por sus actitudes y acciones.
Lo que me parece importante es PENSAR: Cuestionar, dudar, investigar, y aprender sobre algo que nos haya llamado la atención y que no comprendamos que ocurre en nuestra o en cualquier otra sociedad.
Agradezco muchísimo a mi amigo por compartir con el mundo su viaje por Panamá, sus impresiones y percepciones de las poblaciones que conoció. Como dije, se que el lo hace con toda la bondad del mundo y siempre pensando en como mejorar la situación del país. Me gusta mucho poder abrir espacios de discusión como este donde el que quiera pueda meter su cucharada y opinar. Quien sabe? Quizá se vuelva un proyectito de blog? Si leen algo que les parezca interesante por el cibermundo, me mandan el link y me encantaría poder comentar (si no les aburren mis largos escritos).   

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Stress, whining, and friends

Beware, this is a pretty complain-y post...too bad, its just one of those weeks.

This week has not been going great. My visa application has been awfully stressful and having a venezuelan lady with some serious attitude problems be the one who answers the phone to give me bad news (I have to dial many times before they actually pick up) does not help. Turns out the need the papers I sent from where I'll be volunteering to have a stamp...yes, a stamp. A regular stamp that has the companies name. Seriously, stamps haven't been used in ages! That's what one of the companies told me, so...my days begin  my opening my eyes and having e-mail conversations with people across the world trying to figure out what they can do to help me get my visa...but when some of those e-mails say "things don't look good...talked to the project manager and there was a similar case about some stamps and the person had to end up cancelling". Here's the thing, I CAN'T (yes, the right word would be WON'T) cancel! Not only have more than 70% of my saving been spent already, this trip is in my life plan...I mean, what else will I do these upcomming months? I need to do this...for myself!
So, this visa stress began on Monday because not only is all this incredibly annoying and frustrating but I am also traveling to Bogotá next Wednesday...meaning, I need my passport back! Well, that would be $60 for getting my passport sent back + another $60 for resending it to re-apply + $60 for getting it back...and having about 20 nervous breakdowns in between because I'll need it to travel back from Bogota on the 2nd anyway.
So, option 2: Get an emergency passport! It automatically cancels my other passport but it doesnt matter because I need the visa on my passport, even though it isn't valid anymore as a traveling document (like when your passport expires but you have your U.S visa on it...the visa still works!). It will cost me $150 and a morning full of running around and sweating under panamanian humidity. That day will be tommorow, I need to drop off my mom at work, fight against traffic and pray for a parking spot, make my "denuncia" (spanglish, get used to it...don't remember the english word right now) then go to the Colombian consulate which is ALWAYS full (seriously, it wouldn't be a colombian consulate if it wasn't always full) and do all the paperwork necessary, go to a bank nearby and pay $150 dollars (although in Colombia i costs 150.000 COP (half) ). With this done I think I'll be able to de-stress just a little bit.

Besides all that visa stuff, IM SICK! Yup, woke up Tuesday morning with a really sore throat and it has simply gotten worst over the week, my ears hurting now. I went to the doctor today, he basically said it was nothing and sent me some meds (homeopatic everything)...still, $100. 

Can't complain too much though, yesterday was the foundation celebration of Panama La Vieja so schools were off meaning I was able to go tuesday afternoon to El Valle to spend the day with one of my best friends, Maria T. and her awesome bf, JacobO! It was a great trip, short but great...wine, blackout, broken glass, lamp-lit veggie lasagna dinner, passing out on the couch in less than a min (that was just me, I was exhausted...they danced around and bothered me). The next day I woke up first, stressed over my visa as I held an hour-long email conversation with someone in England trying to help me out...then yummy breakfast and a hike to La India Dormida. Now...that hike was a serious, serious kick to my ego. I feel I have never been in such a poor physical state, its disgusting (didn't help that I had to be weighed in at the doctor today..."omfg" was my reaction to my weight). And yes, I know, I have to get off my ass and actually exercise and then close my mouth and stop eating bread daily (my uncle is an awesome baker and has an awesome bakery...its HARD!), and cut out all my daily desserts. But mainly, I need to exercise again...I realized I haven't exercised in approximately 7 months (with a 3-4 week interval of Insanity which I loved!). I need to get back on track...somehow. I just get home SO tired from work, its insane...I love the kids but for reals, they are like little energy vampires, its amazing how tired I am from working 5 hours a day!

Here are some pics from Wednesday:

Cutes
Pre-sweatyness 

I love living in Panama

We did the same dorky face without knowing


Sadly we missed this waterfall on the way down but we were able to find another great spot to jump in

I love them

Not so great pic, pero tengo que salir en alguna foto!

  
We are good at doing stupid poses

On our way down!

Wednesday (besides getting my ass kicked by the mountain) was fun. The drive back home sucked though, I was so tired and really needed a co-pilot to keep me awake at some points.
I love Maria and Jake, but being with them in this trip made me miss Mr. P more...
This week I've really missed him, being all stressed out over visa and other little decisions I have to make and not having him around is hard...I normally don't say it, to anyone (except today when I told my awesome cousin). I guess I don't like sounding vulnerable to people, I still feel I have to portray this image of being a strong, independent woman for some reason and it might come off as rude or insensitive but I do miss him, a lot. 

Hopefully everything will work out...my dad keeps telling me that whatever happens is meant to be, if I don't get my visa then it's because some white shark in Cape Town had me planned for dinner. I try to tell him that it does matter, and all the money I put in to it, but he tells me to take it easy and just wait and see what happens...which to me is pretty ironic considering how he stresses over money and well, I do to because of him (a good and bad thing at times). 




Here are a couple more pictures of my summer so far, these were two weeks ago at a Happy Hour raising money for the Panamanian Flag Football Team who is competing in Sweden right now. One of my best friends, Victor (we paddled together when I was 16 and he's like a brother to me), is in the team and it was a great chance to meet up with friends and talk non-stop.
I love how the SlowSync Flash makes it seem like we were having some crazy wild time when it was a very chilled out night. 














Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Summary


It feels like I haven’t written in forever! I really miss having my space here to get thoughts out into the world but these past weeks have been crazy. So, this post is going to be a little summary of my life recently.

Birthday celebration – Last Tuesday (July 31st) I had a dinner celebration for my birthday. My uncle made AMAZING paella (it weighed 11.5 kg) and I had friends and family over. I made two delicious cheesecakes which were loved by everyone so it’s good to know my cheesecake recipe worked. A few days earlier I wrote to all my friends and family telling them about my trip to South Africa and you know, saying that in case they wanted to give me some birthday or graduation present, money would be the best thing for me at the time! I was seriously in shock and amazed at my birthday presents during this dinner, I still am to be honest…not only the fact that I got this money but I simply felt so much support and love from everyone there that it was pretty overwhelming. I am thankful from the bottom of my heart for everyone that came to spend that night with me, it was really great and it was nice having a birthday celebration!


Work – These past two weeks I have been working with my mom at her daycare. Last week was planning and this week has been first week of school. I am an assistant teacher with the kids aged 3.5-4 years and it has been great! I get home completely exhausted every day but the experience is wonderful and kids really amaze me. It’s incredibly for me to see how different they are, some of them can be talking and go to the bathroom by themselves and others a few months older or the same age haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Their personalities, creativity and ideas amaze me every day and it has simply been a great experience.
Friends – I am so tired from works that during the week I rarely see any friends or have any energy to go out but I have been able to see some of my friends and it’s been great, non-stop talking sessions. Tomorrow I’ll be going to an impromptu class reunion which is going to be great because some of the people who are going I haven’t seen in years (left school in middle school) so I’m sure tomorrow night will be a beer-drinking, crazy-story telling fun evening.


Family – My relationship with my parents has been pretty great, I’m taking advantage of being with them and cuddle in bed or hang out watching stupid TV shows or the Olympics (I love watching Olympics). We do have our occasional fights and what not but overall it’s pretty great, I love seeing how supportive my dad is with my mom’s new venture and feel that they’re in a good place. I’m also very proud of my mom for starting her school, it’s going to be a wild and crazy ride for sure but I’m so happy she finally decided to go ahead and do it and do it with so much love and passion. Working with her I have learned so much and admire what she does and knows, although I get very annoyed at the way some people abuse of her goodness and she won’t stand up for herself.


On the way back from the beach two weekends ago I felt my brother, it was strange but great. We were just driving back, my parents talking about who knows what and I just felt that we were complete, the four of us, my brother sitting on the other side of the car just…there. I pictured him taller than me, with his messy hair and mainly a big smile. I miss him and yes, my eyes water and tears roll down while I write this because I will always wish it were true, I will always wish that he was still physically here with us, but I know and am accepting the fact that is will not happen and that I need to live. This trip I’m about to begin (oh wow, in a month and 4 days actually) I really want to focus on me, on being alone and looking in and figuring myself out, coming to terms with life, really letting go and trying to find a new spark in life that I feel I lost years ago…Right now its just a tiny spark that comes and goes but I want it to fully explode, and light a fire inside me and keep that fire burning for many, many years to come.

Alright…that was pretty short (I could write pages on each of the subjects) and it’s almost midnight and I have to wake up in 6 hours so, goodnight. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more often, promise I’ll do my best  ( no computer at the time so it makes it harder…and just too tired to sit and think and write, but I know I have to do it, it really helps). 

Monday, July 30, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

This weekend was my 24th birthday, no big bash, no big celebration, just enjoying the beach, watching the olympics and eating way too much. I went to my parents friends' house in Bijao with my parents and 2 other couples friends of my parents, it was very relaxing and sadly there was no sun so no tan but it was still great. 
I was tired on friday night so I slept a little and then at around 11:45 woke up to chat a little outside but the conversation was too heated to get in when I had just woken up...so, I went back to bed and checked my watch right when I stepped inside..it was 11.59 pm, and basically the first 10 min of my birthday I cried...I really don't know what I was crying about but I just felt like crying. Its weird...being back home and having Panama as my "home base" but not really feeling it, my room doesn't feel mine and I know I'll only be here for a month so I dont feel or think that settling in has a point. Sure, my parents are here and I love being with them but its weird being in-transit...at home...I'm not unhappy, im simply kind of trying to find my place, physically, here again. Perhaps thats why this past week I've been so "in hiding", I haven't seen any of my friends yet and I feel its because im trying to find my spot, my focus, and a rythm of my day-to-day activities. I also realize that hey, I'm only here for a month, and I need to take advantage of that and see the people I care about and that care about me so starting tommorow with my bday celebration dinner I'm getting off my lazy butt and doing something about my social life, enjoying the people around me as much as I can!




Here are some pictures of the weekend, it was gray and rainy on sunday (and the rain has continued throughout the whole day today) but it was still a great birthday weekend and just what I needed.




A great way to start the day, normal and banana pancakes

These are the breakfasts I love

I love Panama

Two gorgeous ladies, an awesome friendship



The best woman in the world, my momma!

Champagne and good conversations

Relaxation 


Perfection


Chill


One year older

Thinking of you...

And this is how I enjoy spending my birthday...I'm an old lady, I know.

Daddy



My birthday company

Time for dinner!

An incredibly simple and delicious recipe!

My mom struggles using my camera


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

ByeBye Bogota

To start with, YEY my picture of Rudolf was one of the favorites for the Paper Mama Pet Photo Challenge..although for some darn reason I can't seem to get the button to work, all I get is this: 
<div align="center"><a href="http://thepapermama.com/" title="The Paper Mama Photo Challenge" target="_blank"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7049/6973777489_f5b60d9504_o.jpg" alt="The Paper Mama Photo Challenge" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Clearly I'm a newbie in the blogging world.

The Paper Mama Photo Challenge

Yey! I did it! After many attempts and apparently I wasn't the only one having problems.

So, it happened...I said goodbye to Bogota and it was a lot harder than I thought. I mean, I know I’m going back in a month and I'll see everyone again but still...it was tough. It's closing a whole cycle of my life, four years of my life were spent there...I met friends, I traveled, I lived! Still, it didn't hit me until I was saying goodbye at the airport to some of my friends and Mr. P's family who has taken me in with so much love. 
Saying bye to Mr. P was definitely much, much harder than I expected, I think harder than we both thought it would be. I can't imagine what it must have felt for him...not saying bye to me but saying goodbye to his home city, to his family and friends, and going to a whole new country where he doesn't know anyone at all to start a new life! Heck, I'm nervous for him! 
I know I will see Mr. P in a month for a few days, I know it was me who made the decision not to go with him, to venture on my own for this self-exploration that I need to do…but still, there were a couple of times when we were waiting for my plane to beard that I doubted myself, I doubted my decision, there were a few seconds where I said to myself “are you really sure about what you’re doing?” but then I knew, I know, it is the right thing.
I am aware that things might not be the same with Mr. P after I get back, that I might stay in Panama or find somewhere else to go in life, but it is a risk I feel I have to take. I cannot go through life wondering what could have been, and then find myself in five years regretting decisions I did or didn’t take. Many people asked him if he wasn’t nervous, why he would “let” me do such a thing and his response and his support towards me just shows what a wonderful man he is…he understands me, he knows what I mean and I know that he needs his space to. He needs to be on his own as well, figure things out, what it’s like to be alone not in Moms house or with his girlfriend but really “out there”.
Truth is right now I miss him a lot…I know he’s alone in a hotel room and Im just very nostalgic about those last moments of the day, when we would cuddle in bed and tell each other everything about our day, being silly and petting Martina. Those little moments are the ones I miss the most and would love to have for just a few minutes daily…
                                                                                                                 
Goodnight for today, start working tomorrow morning and I’m sure it’s going to be  a long first day (aren't they always?)