Stress, whining, and friends

Beware, this is a pretty complain-y post...too bad, its just one of those weeks.

This week has not been going great. My visa application has been awfully stressful and having a venezuelan lady with some serious attitude problems be the one who answers the phone to give me bad news (I have to dial many times before they actually pick up) does not help. Turns out the need the papers I sent from where I'll be volunteering to have a stamp...yes, a stamp. A regular stamp that has the companies name. Seriously, stamps haven't been used in ages! That's what one of the companies told me, so...my days begin  my opening my eyes and having e-mail conversations with people across the world trying to figure out what they can do to help me get my visa...but when some of those e-mails say "things don't look good...talked to the project manager and there was a similar case about some stamps and the person had to end up cancelling". Here's the thing, I CAN'T (yes, the right word would be WON'T) cancel! Not only have more than 70% of my saving been spent already, this trip is in my life plan...I mean, what else will I do these upcomming months? I need to do this...for myself!

So, this visa stress began on Monday because not only is all this incredibly annoying and frustrating but I am also traveling to Bogotá next Wednesday...meaning, I need my passport back! Well, that would be $60 for getting my passport sent back + another $60 for resending it to re-apply + $60 for getting it back...and having about 20 nervous breakdowns in between because I'll need it to travel back from Bogota on the 2nd anyway.

So, option 2: Get an emergency passport! It automatically cancels my other passport but it doesnt matter because I need the visa on my passport, even though it isn't valid anymore as a traveling document (like when your passport expires but you have your U.S visa on it...the visa still works!). It will cost me $150 and a morning full of running around and sweating under panamanian humidity. That day will be tommorow, I need to drop off my mom at work, fight against traffic and pray for a parking spot, make my "denuncia" (spanglish, get used to it...don't remember the english word right now) then go to the Colombian consulate which is ALWAYS full (seriously, it wouldn't be a colombian consulate if it wasn't always full) and do all the paperwork necessary, go to a bank nearby and pay $150 dollars (although in Colombia i costs 150.000 COP (half) ). With this done I think I'll be able to de-stress just a little bit.

Besides all that visa stuff, IM SICK! Yup, woke up Tuesday morning with a really sore throat and it has simply gotten worst over the week, my ears hurting now. I went to the doctor today, he basically said it was nothing and sent me some meds (homeopatic everything)...still, $100. 

Can't complain too much though, yesterday was the foundation celebration of Panama La Vieja so schools were off meaning I was able to go tuesday afternoon to El Valle to spend the day with one of my best friends, Maria T. and her awesome bf, JacobO! It was a great trip, short but great...wine, blackout, broken glass, lamp-lit veggie lasagna dinner, passing out on the couch in less than a min (that was just me, I was exhausted...they danced around and bothered me). The next day I woke up first, stressed over my visa as I held an hour-long email conversation with someone in England trying to help me out...then yummy breakfast and a hike to La India Dormida. Now...that hike was a serious, serious kick to my ego. I feel I have never been in such a poor physical state, its disgusting (didn't help that I had to be weighed in at the doctor today..."omfg" was my reaction to my weight). And yes, I know, I have to get off my ass and actually exercise and then close my mouth and stop eating bread daily (my uncle is an awesome baker and has an awesome bakery...its HARD!), and cut out all my daily desserts. But mainly, I need to exercise again...I realized I haven't exercised in approximately 7 months (with a 3-4 week interval of Insanity which I loved!). I need to get back on track...somehow. I just get home SO tired from work, its insane...I love the kids but for reals, they are like little energy vampires, its amazing how tired I am from working 5 hours a day!

Here are some pics from Wednesday:

Cutes
Pre-sweatyness 

I love living in Panama

We did the same dorky face without knowing

Sadly we missed this waterfall on the way down but we were able to find another great spot to jump in

I love them

Not so great pic, pero tengo que salir en alguna foto!

  

We are good at doing stupid poses

On our way down!

Wednesday (besides getting my ass kicked by the mountain) was fun. The drive back home sucked though, I was so tired and really needed a co-pilot to keep me awake at some points.

I love Maria and Jake, but being with them in this trip made me miss Mr. P more...

This week I've really missed him, being all stressed out over visa and other little decisions I have to make and not having him around is hard...I normally don't say it, to anyone (except today when I told my awesome cousin). I guess I don't like sounding vulnerable to people, I still feel I have to portray this image of being a strong, independent woman for some reason and it might come off as rude or insensitive but I do miss him, a lot. 

Hopefully everything will work out...my dad keeps telling me that whatever happens is meant to be, if I don't get my visa then it's because some white shark in Cape Town had me planned for dinner. I try to tell him that it does matter, and all the money I put in to it, but he tells me to take it easy and just wait and see what happens...which to me is pretty ironic considering how he stresses over money and well, I do to because of him (a good and bad thing at times). 

Here are a couple more pictures of my summer so far, these were two weeks ago at a Happy Hour raising money for the Panamanian Flag Football Team who is competing in Sweden right now. One of my best friends, Victor (we paddled together when I was 16 and he's like a brother to me), is in the team and it was a great chance to meet up with friends and talk non-stop.

I love how the SlowSync Flash makes it seem like we were having some crazy wild time when it was a very chilled out night. 

Asado de Despedida

Las fotos del asado de despedida que tuvimos Pacho y yo en Bogotá antes de partir. No logré capturar las últimas horas de la fiesta y el desorden pero...algo es algo y lo mas importante es que se paso BUENO!

Here are some pics from a Goodbye-BBQ we had a week before leaving Bogotá. It was a great party, especially because I had the opportunity to see friends I hadn't seen in a while and really enjoy every minute of the afternoon/night with people I care about. Now, looking back, I remember what a terrible morning I had that day...it was simply awful and I was incredibly angry (I even sort of blacked out where I put my stupid phone at one point ant literally lost it somewhere between the moving boxes in my apartment for days). But, although I started the day terribly wrong it's great to see how things improved and a reminder that there is no point to being angry over stupid little things because at the end of the day its all about sharing and enjoying the time we have. 

I'm not adding any captions tonight because it's almost midnight and I need to get up early for work tommorow.

Reminiscing...

Me encontré estas fotos en el compu de mi mamá y me acordé de este paseo tan rico que tuvimos en septiembre de 2009 a San Francisco, fue un paseo increíble!

I was looking through my moms computer and found some pictures from our trip to SF in september 2009. It was definitely one of the best times of my life.

Summary

It feels like I haven’t written in forever! I really miss having my space here to get thoughts out into the world but these past weeks have been crazy. So, this post is going to be a little summary of my life recently.

Birthday celebration – Last Tuesday (July 31st) I had a dinner celebration for my birthday. My uncle made AMAZING paella (it weighed 11.5 kg) and I had friends and family over. I made two delicious cheesecakes which were loved by everyone so it’s good to know my cheesecake recipe worked. A few days earlier I wrote to all my friends and family telling them about my trip to South Africa and you know, saying that in case they wanted to give me some birthday or graduation present, money would be the best thing for me at the time! I was seriously in shock and amazed at my birthday presents during this dinner, I still am to be honest…not only the fact that I got this money but I simply felt so much support and love from everyone there that it was pretty overwhelming. I am thankful from the bottom of my heart for everyone that came to spend that night with me, it was really great and it was nice having a birthday celebration!

Work – These past two weeks I have been working with my mom at her daycare. Last week was planning and this week has been first week of school. I am an assistant teacher with the kids aged 3.5-4 years and it has been great! I get home completely exhausted every day but the experience is wonderful and kids really amaze me. It’s incredibly for me to see how different they are, some of them can be talking and go to the bathroom by themselves and others a few months older or the same age haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Their personalities, creativity and ideas amaze me every day and it has simply been a great experience.

Friends – I am so tired from works that during the week I rarely see any friends or have any energy to go out but I have been able to see some of my friends and it’s been great, non-stop talking sessions. Tomorrow I’ll be going to an impromptu class reunion which is going to be great because some of the people who are going I haven’t seen in years (left school in middle school) so I’m sure tomorrow night will be a beer-drinking, crazy-story telling fun evening.

Family – My relationship with my parents has been pretty great, I’m taking advantage of being with them and cuddle in bed or hang out watching stupid TV shows or the Olympics (I love watching Olympics). We do have our occasional fights and what not but overall it’s pretty great, I love seeing how supportive my dad is with my mom’s new venture and feel that they’re in a good place. I’m also very proud of my mom for starting her school, it’s going to be a wild and crazy ride for sure but I’m so happy she finally decided to go ahead and do it and do it with so much love and passion. Working with her I have learned so much and admire what she does and knows, although I get very annoyed at the way some people abuse of her goodness and she won’t stand up for herself.

On the way back from the beach two weekends ago I felt my brother, it was strange but great. We were just driving back, my parents talking about who knows what and I just felt that we were complete, the four of us, my brother sitting on the other side of the car just…there. I pictured him taller than me, with his messy hair and mainly a big smile. I miss him and yes, my eyes water and tears roll down while I write this because I will always wish it were true, I will always wish that he was still physically here with us, but I know and am accepting the fact that is will not happen and that I need to live. This trip I’m about to begin (oh wow, in a month and 4 days actually) I really want to focus on me, on being alone and looking in and figuring myself out, coming to terms with life, really letting go and trying to find a new spark in life that I feel I lost years ago…Right now its just a tiny spark that comes and goes but I want it to fully explode, and light a fire inside me and keep that fire burning for many, many years to come.

Alright…that was pretty short (I could write pages on each of the subjects) and it’s almost midnight and I have to wake up in 6 hours so, goodnight. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more often, promise I’ll do my best  ( no computer at the time so it makes it harder…and just too tired to sit and think and write, but I know I have to do it, it really helps).