I have
arrived from a two week business trip. But this wasn’t just any business trip,
it was the trip of a lifetime…Cannes Film Festival! I had the most amazing time
and enjoyed every second of it, even the stressfull crazy moments. I took
advantage of every opportunity, and it was a growing experience professionally and
personally. However, this little post isn’t to talk about my time in Cannes…that
should come sometime soon. This is to talk about the comments I have received since
getting back. I trained arduously for almost seven months. I had no social life
other than my cayuco life, Saturday and Sundays began at 4:30 am to go paddling
and most of the week began at the same time for training. It was hard, it was intense, it
meant being incredibly fit, depriving myself of yummy foods, all alcohol and
all parties, no lactose and very little sweets. I was at my lowest body fat percentage ever, 17.5% and weighed 127
pounds. My body looked amazing, I could almost see my abs! Now…two months after
my training ended, and two weeks after Cannes, I weight 5 more pounds and probably
have a much higher body fat percentage. In the past two weeks I drank at least
once a day at some cocktail or party, I ate pizza and paninis for lunch (really
good and the cheapest thing available), and indulged in a nutella crepe in the
afternoon every other day… and I did not work out. I no longer burn 2,000
calories in a practice session (normally this was on Saturday and on Sunday), or
drink 3 liters of water (this I should do though), I still train but not six
times a week nor do intense cardio, I eat more cheese, I eat more pasta, I eat
more French fries, I drink beer, my pants are a little tighter on the
waistline, I have boobs.
What I have
enjoyed the most in the past two years of my life since I started exercising intensely,
lifting heavy weights, being able to run 5k in 26min or 10k without walking, learning how to properly swim and basically breaking mental barriers by challenging myself physically…what I really, really
enjoy from all this is the confidence it has given me. I feel empowered, I feel
capable, I feel determined. Where does all this rambling go on to then? It is
my third day back at the office from my trip and I have had seven or eight different
people comment, “Have you gained weight?” “You look a little fuller now,” “Oh,
but you look good,” “don’t gain any more, you look good where you are,” “you
were too thin before.” None of these people (both men and women) have said it
in a negative way. Most of them are my friends and at first I answered “Yea! I
even grew boobs!” while I smiled but after person number 4 or 5 I started to get annoyed. I
mean, does ANYONE like to hear “Hey! You’re fatter!” I’m pretty sure no one
does (alright except those few people who literally can’t gain weight and
struggle to do so which are VERY few). Trust me, the tightness in my pants, the
belly I see in the mirror every morning, tells me I’ve gained weight…I really don’t
need anyone else to bring it to my attention. In the end, I consider myself a
strong and confident woman, I will not go into a bathroom and throw up my lunch
or cry in front of the mirror because I have 5 more pounds on the scale. But it
does piss me off that people feel they have the right to comment on my body, or
anyone elses for that matter. I do know there are a lot of women who do suffer
when they hear this and it’s not right, not only do we have beauty magazines
and advertising tells us we have to have a six pack, a tight butt, beautiful
hair, no acne, and perfect eyebrows that we also have to hear friends and
family freely comment on our looks and weight when not asked. I have beautiful,
incredibly smart, amazing, funny, gorgeous friends who suffer with their looks
because of a few pounds, or a little cellulite, and for them I am angry today.
If it were them hearing what I’ve heard I know this would affect them so much
and that makes me so angry because I don’t like my friends or any woman being
hurt by un-thought words. I hate the fact that we women can devalue ourselves
over a stupid comment, over an inch of “flab”, a muffin top, a dimple of cellulite,
an impossible photoshopped standard.
So, in the
end…watch what you say. You might not mean it in a bad way, but when talking
about someone’s weight or looks always think if you’d like to hear it too? And
if you, my friend, are hurt or affected by a comment of this type…just remember
I love you and I will love you no matter how short, tall, muscly, or lean you
might be, how curly or straight your hair is, how much of a unibrow you might
be working, that gap in your teeth or that funky mole on your nose (yes, that
would be me). And most importantly,
remember to love yourself above all things, all comments and all that bullshit “beauty
standard” we face. Be and do what makes you happy and remember YOU are BEAUTIFUL.
p.d - I apologize if I ever made any comment to you that might have hurt your feelings
