Reminiscing...

Me encontré estas fotos en el compu de mi mamá y me acordé de este paseo tan rico que tuvimos en septiembre de 2009 a San Francisco, fue un paseo increíble!

I was looking through my moms computer and found some pictures from our trip to SF in september 2009. It was definitely one of the best times of my life.

Summary

It feels like I haven’t written in forever! I really miss having my space here to get thoughts out into the world but these past weeks have been crazy. So, this post is going to be a little summary of my life recently.

Birthday celebration – Last Tuesday (July 31st) I had a dinner celebration for my birthday. My uncle made AMAZING paella (it weighed 11.5 kg) and I had friends and family over. I made two delicious cheesecakes which were loved by everyone so it’s good to know my cheesecake recipe worked. A few days earlier I wrote to all my friends and family telling them about my trip to South Africa and you know, saying that in case they wanted to give me some birthday or graduation present, money would be the best thing for me at the time! I was seriously in shock and amazed at my birthday presents during this dinner, I still am to be honest…not only the fact that I got this money but I simply felt so much support and love from everyone there that it was pretty overwhelming. I am thankful from the bottom of my heart for everyone that came to spend that night with me, it was really great and it was nice having a birthday celebration!

Work – These past two weeks I have been working with my mom at her daycare. Last week was planning and this week has been first week of school. I am an assistant teacher with the kids aged 3.5-4 years and it has been great! I get home completely exhausted every day but the experience is wonderful and kids really amaze me. It’s incredibly for me to see how different they are, some of them can be talking and go to the bathroom by themselves and others a few months older or the same age haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Their personalities, creativity and ideas amaze me every day and it has simply been a great experience.

Friends – I am so tired from works that during the week I rarely see any friends or have any energy to go out but I have been able to see some of my friends and it’s been great, non-stop talking sessions. Tomorrow I’ll be going to an impromptu class reunion which is going to be great because some of the people who are going I haven’t seen in years (left school in middle school) so I’m sure tomorrow night will be a beer-drinking, crazy-story telling fun evening.

Family – My relationship with my parents has been pretty great, I’m taking advantage of being with them and cuddle in bed or hang out watching stupid TV shows or the Olympics (I love watching Olympics). We do have our occasional fights and what not but overall it’s pretty great, I love seeing how supportive my dad is with my mom’s new venture and feel that they’re in a good place. I’m also very proud of my mom for starting her school, it’s going to be a wild and crazy ride for sure but I’m so happy she finally decided to go ahead and do it and do it with so much love and passion. Working with her I have learned so much and admire what she does and knows, although I get very annoyed at the way some people abuse of her goodness and she won’t stand up for herself.

On the way back from the beach two weekends ago I felt my brother, it was strange but great. We were just driving back, my parents talking about who knows what and I just felt that we were complete, the four of us, my brother sitting on the other side of the car just…there. I pictured him taller than me, with his messy hair and mainly a big smile. I miss him and yes, my eyes water and tears roll down while I write this because I will always wish it were true, I will always wish that he was still physically here with us, but I know and am accepting the fact that is will not happen and that I need to live. This trip I’m about to begin (oh wow, in a month and 4 days actually) I really want to focus on me, on being alone and looking in and figuring myself out, coming to terms with life, really letting go and trying to find a new spark in life that I feel I lost years ago…Right now its just a tiny spark that comes and goes but I want it to fully explode, and light a fire inside me and keep that fire burning for many, many years to come.

Alright…that was pretty short (I could write pages on each of the subjects) and it’s almost midnight and I have to wake up in 6 hours so, goodnight. Hopefully I’ll be able to write more often, promise I’ll do my best  ( no computer at the time so it makes it harder…and just too tired to sit and think and write, but I know I have to do it, it really helps). 

Happy Birthday to Me!

This weekend was my 24th birthday, no big bash, no big celebration, just enjoying the beach, watching the olympics and eating way too much. I went to my parents friends' house in Bijao with my parents and 2 other couples friends of my parents, it was very relaxing and sadly there was no sun so no tan but it was still great. 
I was tired on friday night so I slept a little and then at around 11:45 woke up to chat a little outside but the conversation was too heated to get in when I had just woken up...so, I went back to bed and checked my watch right when I stepped inside..it was 11.59 pm, and basically the first 10 min of my birthday I cried...I really don't know what I was crying about but I just felt like crying. Its weird...being back home and having Panama as my "home base" but not really feeling it, my room doesn't feel mine and I know I'll only be here for a month so I dont feel or think that settling in has a point. Sure, my parents are here and I love being with them but its weird being in-transit...at home...I'm not unhappy, im simply kind of trying to find my place, physically, here again. Perhaps thats why this past week I've been so "in hiding", I haven't seen any of my friends yet and I feel its because im trying to find my spot, my focus, and a rythm of my day-to-day activities. I also realize that hey, I'm only here for a month, and I need to take advantage of that and see the people I care about and that care about me so starting tommorow with my bday celebration dinner I'm getting off my lazy butt and doing something about my social life, enjoying the people around me as much as I can!




Here are some pictures of the weekend, it was gray and rainy on sunday (and the rain has continued throughout the whole day today) but it was still a great birthday weekend and just what I needed.

A great way to start the day, normal and banana pancakes

These are the breakfasts I love

I love Panama

Two gorgeous ladies, an awesome friendship

The best woman in the world, my momma!

Champagne and good conversations

Relaxation 

Perfection

Chill

One year older

Thinking of you...

And this is how I enjoy spending my birthday...I'm an old lady, I know.

Daddy

My birthday company

Time for dinner!

An incredibly simple and delicious recipe!

My mom struggles using my camera

S.A here I come!!... well..almost

I did it! My first international bank transfer...I have oficially paid both my photography and marine conservation volunteer programs, I have bought my plane tickets...and I only have like $1,000 left for, well, everything! I'm scared about the money stuff but im excited, with everything bought already I know I'm going there no matter what and I'll worry about food and hotels during my weeks of travel laters (I'm a very cheap traveler...just ask my mom whom I made sleep at Munich airport just so we'd save the cab fare).
Now I need to get all my papers in order to send my passport out for the visa application - THAT makes me nervous, especially because I need my passport back on time to go to Bogota for my graduation. I also need to buy my insurance tommorow morning, not sure about getting normal or premium though. The difference is $50,000 vs $250,000 for coverage and like $85 difference in total so...I'll probably get the premium, its not that much more and honestly better be safe than sorry!


I have no idea how I'll fall asleep tonight, too excited about life! I'm gonna go give a try though, goodnight everyone!

ByeBye Bogota

To start with, YEY my picture of Rudolf was one of the favorites for the Paper Mama Pet Photo Challenge..although for some darn reason I can't seem to get the button to work, all I get is this: 

<div align="center"><a href="http://thepapermama.com/" title="The Paper Mama Photo Challenge" target="_blank"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7049/6973777489_f5b60d9504_o.jpg" alt="The Paper Mama Photo Challenge" style="border:none;" /></a></div>

Clearly I'm a newbie in the blogging world.

Yey! I did it! After many attempts and apparently I wasn't the only one having problems.

So, it happened...I said goodbye to Bogota and it was a lot harder than I thought. I mean, I know I’m going back in a month and I'll see everyone again but still...it was tough. It's closing a whole cycle of my life, four years of my life were spent there...I met friends, I traveled, I lived! Still, it didn't hit me until I was saying goodbye at the airport to some of my friends and Mr. P's family who has taken me in with so much love. 

Saying bye to Mr. P was definitely much, much harder than I expected, I think harder than we both thought it would be. I can't imagine what it must have felt for him...not saying bye to me but saying goodbye to his home city, to his family and friends, and going to a whole new country where he doesn't know anyone at all to start a new life! Heck, I'm nervous for him! 

I know I will see Mr. P in a month for a few days, I know it was me who made the decision not to go with him, to venture on my own for this self-exploration that I need to do…but still, there were a couple of times when we were waiting for my plane to beard that I doubted myself, I doubted my decision, there were a few seconds where I said to myself “are you really sure about what you’re doing?” but then I knew, I know, it is the right thing.

I am aware that things might not be the same with Mr. P after I get back, that I might stay in Panama or find somewhere else to go in life, but it is a risk I feel I have to take. I cannot go through life wondering what could have been, and then find myself in five years regretting decisions I did or didn’t take. Many people asked him if he wasn’t nervous, why he would “let” me do such a thing and his response and his support towards me just shows what a wonderful man he is…he understands me, he knows what I mean and I know that he needs his space to. He needs to be on his own as well, figure things out, what it’s like to be alone not in Moms house or with his girlfriend but really “out there”.

Truth is right now I miss him a lot…I know he’s alone in a hotel room and Im just very nostalgic about those last moments of the day, when we would cuddle in bed and tell each other everything about our day, being silly and petting Martina. Those little moments are the ones I miss the most and would love to have for just a few minutes daily…

                                                                                                                 
Goodnight for today, start working tomorrow morning and I’m sure it’s going to be  a long first day (aren't they always?)
             

Carta abierta

Amigos y familia, en unos días estoy de cumpleaños y en un mes recibo mi diploma de graduanda de Antropología de la universidad. Les escribo contandoles mis planes en los meses que vienen y una *sugerencia* sobre algun regalo que quiza esten pensando darme. Para mi pedir cosas no es fácil pero en este caso la necesidad y entusiasmo le gana a la pena y me lanzo a escribirles…

Como ya muchos sabrán me voy a Sudafrica en septiembre por tres meses. Llego a Johanesburgo el 13 de septiembre y el 16 comienzo un mes en una reserva llamada Thanda a 3 horas de Durban, enfocandome en mi fotografia de naturaleza y apoyando a las investigaciones de conservacion asi como los programas educativos.

Después, del 14-31 de octubre tengo dos semanas de puro viaje. Encontré un bus tipo hop-on-hop-of diseñado para viajeros backpackers asi que pienso comprar el pase de 14 días y viajar de Durban hasta Cape Town donde me quedare unos días. En Cape Town definitivamente me metere en una jaula a conocer tiburones blancos (esta la opcion de hacer snorkeling pero creo que ese ya es un riesgo bastante alto y no estoy segura de querer tomarlo). De Cape Town vuelo a Durban nuevamente donde cojo bus a Richards Bay.

El 1 de noviembre estaré en Richards Bay para comenzar otro mes en un voluntariado de conservacion marina que se enfoca en recolectar informacion del ecosistema de la zona (Mar Indico), principalmente se enfoca en las poblaciones de tortugas y tiburon ballena pero tambien delfines y manta rayas. Será un mes totalmente marino donde voy a hacer cursos de buceo en las areas que me interese. Termino el 1 de diciembre y regreso a este lado del mundo el 6 de diciembre, esos 4 dias (viajo el 6 madrugado) estare conociendo Johannesburgo.

Como se imaginaran para todo eso necesito…plata! Ya tengo suficiente para los tiquetes y programas a los que voy a participar, pero les escribo pidiendo su ayuda, donacion, regalo, como quieran decirle, para poder costearme mis dos semanas de viaje. Si me conocen bien saben que viajando soy muy ahorrativa asi que la verdad lo que me puedan dar sera aprovechado al maximo y una gran ayuda! Todo mi viaje estare registrandolo en mi blog www.mariantoslittlebox.blogspot.com asi que podrán seguirme en mis aventuras y ver su regalito lo mucho que me ayuda!

Muchas gracias por tomarse el tiempo de leer este “mensajito”! Les mando un abrazo muy grande a todos! 

The crazy lady on the plane? Yes, that would be me

Yes, I am the crazy lady on the plane. For the first time in some years I was actually calm about flying, I was sad about saying goodbye to Pacho and my friends and closing that whole stage of life. So, I get on the plane almost last, my eyes puffy and my nose red from crying. I sit and i'm relaxed, read the planes magazine and put on some Adele on my ipod. After about 45min we finally start moving to the air strip, I close my eyes and try to simply not worry, aware that there will be some bumpiness while we go through the clouds (and on the way down as well).
The plane takes off and I know it has to take a sharp right after (done this route many times). Well, it wasn't a little bumpy it was fucking AWFUL (yes, first time I use the f word on my blog...normally don't like using bad words but its the only way I can explain how bad it was). The whole plane shook horribly, there was a "free fall" sensation and i think at that point was where I lost it, i said "jueputa!" ("fuck") when it happened but apparenly I disnt just say it, i shouted it! The people behind me cracked up, I started crying uncontrollably, an argentinean man diagonal to me tried to calm me down, the man on my right tried to calm me down patting me on the shoulder, the woman on the other side also tried to comfort me..nothing all I could do was TRY to breath (i swear at one point I couldn't breathe). When the ahaking and crazy wind stopped I still kept crying but calming myself sown, the argentinean man explained it was just while we passed the clouds (even though I alrady knew that) he asked if it was my first flight and i told him no but since my brother died I get very scared of flying because I don't want anything to happen to me. He answered not to worry, my brother would be watchig over me...id he only knew every time I get on a plane all I do is ask Cris to be with me.
The lady next to me asked if i wanted some water or anyhong, i said no thanks (at this point i was still in a llittle ball position clenching to my legs). I started calmig down a bit..looking craY because i'd start giggling about the whole situation...yup, i was the crazy lady!
A stewardess who has sat in the seat in front of mine (emergeny exit) atood up and told me that everything would be ok (the same stewardess who asked me if i was feeling well when she saw me get on the plane with puffy eyes and red nose from crying). I said thanks again and started to stretch my legs, then another steward came over with some water and a while after ANOTHER came to ask if i was ok and that the pilot said it was nothing serious just a "little wind" (the Brazilian on my right said "a little? More like a lot!!"...exactly!)


So we are now half way through the flight... Ready for some bumpiness on the way down and seriously embarrassed for being the crazy ass lady on the plane who manages to get on crying and then have a panic attack in the first 5 min f flying....lets hope I don't go crazy mode again.